Parents Want to Know 101: The Role of the Surrogate Father

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The Role of the Surrogate Father

President Barack Obama and grandparents; high school graduation.

By Sharon Rose

The term “surrogate father” has several different meanings, to include its most common use, and our interest, “substitute father.” In this context the surrogate father is a man who is not the biological father, step-father, or adoptive father, but is a “father figure” in every sense of the term. The “family model” has long embraced the surrogate father as it has struggled to maintain the roles within the family unit needed for the group survival financially, socially, and emotionally.

This role is taken on by a man that takes the place of the biological or “real” father. He could be one of the following: grandfather, uncle, older sibling, family friend, athletic coach, mother’s boyfriend, church pastor, or volunteer from a mentoring program. Not only are there surrogate fathers who take the place of the real father, but there are those who fill the gaps of time present, long-term and short-term, of the absent or neglectful father. I am interested in talking about the surrogate father because there are many stories to be told of the surrogate father stepping in and making a positive difference in the childhood and future of the children in a family. Also, the presence of the surrogate father has relieved some of the many stressors of the single mother who has struggled to hold her family together, in the absence of a father figure. The partnership between mother and surrogate father is one that should be recognized as a successful phenomenon within some families.

The phenomenon of the surrogate father is important enough to encourage single mothers to be accepting of and seek a surrogate father for their children in the absence of their real father. Many single mothers have successfully raised their children with the help of a surrogate father. President Barack Obama is an example of someone who was raised by a surrogate father, his grandfather, Stanley Armour Dunham. President Obama met his real father and knew of his whereabouts, and at some point, had a step-father, but it was his grandfather, his “surrogate father,” that provided consistent caring, paternal companionship, and love that likely made the difference in tempering the pain and bitterness that can come with the absence of the real father. President Obama wrote about his close relationship with his grandfather during his growing up years and features a picture of him on the front of his first book, “Dreams from My Father.” With a surrogate father (his grandfather), his grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, and his mother, Stanley Ann Dunham, coming together to raise him, President Obama survived poverty, succeeded academically, has risen to the highest leadership position in the world, and is a glowing example of fatherhood, himself, the father of two girls.

Surrogate fatherhood can come about in many ways. It often comes about when a single mother moves in with her father, uncle, or other family member out of necessity. Some single mothers, who are very young, even still a teenager, and is still living with her parents when she gives birth, has a living situation in which her father often assumes the father figure role. Surrogate fatherhood often just happens. It comes about through life circumstances and not “on purpose” in an effort to fill that absent father role for the children. Then, there are other situations in which a surrogate father (father figure) is sought out by single mothers, such as, by signing their children up with mentoring programs, like Big Brothers Big Sisters. The Big Brothers component of this mentoring program pairs volunteers with “little brothers” and impacts the boys’ life in a positive way. Research has confirmed the empowering and positive experience afforded to children who participate. There are also resources and activities in the community that provide paternal role models who are there to help children navigate through life and learning situations, but are not as fully engaged with the child as the surrogate father.

Surrogate fathers have long helped to sustain the family. They are the unsung heroes, lifting families through trails and giving children the confidence to believe in their potential to live out their dreams. They have helped many children have a wonderful childhood, and even grow up to become the most powerful leader in the world.

*Do you know someone who is a surrogate father? Are you a surrogate father? We would like to hear your comments.

Research Source: http://www.livestrong.com/article/77414-surrogate-father/

http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5961035/k.A153/Big_impact8212proven_results.htm

Personal Story of a Surrogate Father: http://jeffbenedict.com/index.php/articles/deseret-news/254-about-this-ad-saying-goodbye-to-grandpa-the-great-man-who-raised-me