By Sharon Rose
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| Noooo-oooo-oooo!!!!!! |
Let's have a conversation about how you
discipline your children and if it's time to make a change. I grew up in an era
when spanking was the way to
discipline your children. When I started my family, I made a choice that I was
not going to be the parent who spanked the baby's hand or took a leather belt
to an older child for every big or little offense. Most experts on child
behavior agree that spanking can lead to children choosing hitting and other violent
behavior to solve their problems.
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| "Dad, she hit me with the spoon!!!" daughter yelled. Dad yelled too! |
By the time I had three children, all in
toddler stage, I had become a yeller. This was due to being overwhelmed while trying to gain control
of chaotic situations, my determination not to spank my
children, and learning to multi-task, as many mothers must do. I was not prepared to handle
all three children without feeling some stress and frustration. Like some
parents, I confused yelling with firmness. However, the two are not
related. It took educating myself: learning to be patient; learning how
to communicate assertively to my children; learning the importance of self-control; learning modern discipline strategies; and being consistent in the use of
these important tools.
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| "Kids, stop the noise, I'm on the phone!!!!!" Mom yelled. Trying to multi-task: doing laundry, caring for the baby, supervising other children, talking on the phone; often leads to a lot of frustration and yelling. |
Thankfully, I was able to stop being the
parent who yelled to get my children’s attention or change naughty, inappropriate behavior.
I came to understand, through parent education, that yelling was my reaction to feeling overwhelmed and not a discipline strategy. I replaced it
with patience, and using more appropriate strategies to discipline my children. Otherwise, I would, likely, have
three children who grew up to be yellers themselves,
since children follow your model. Not a legacy I wanted to pass on.
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Patience and comforting words work best when your child is upset. When behavior,
such as, running or rough-housing between siblings becomes a problem, quiet-time
in a designated area works well to calm things down.
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QUESTION: How do you discipline your children? Talk about it with someone who is knowledgeable
on disciplining children of various ages, including your pediatrician.
Look for current reading resources to guide you in making healthy
discipline choices.
To Get You Started, Reading Resources:
Sharon Rose, Terrible Twos: A Sign Your Toddler is Growing Up, January, 2013, http://parentswanttoknow101.blogspot.com/2013/08/terrible-twos-sign-your-toddler-is.html.
Robert E. Larzelere & Brett R. Kuhn, Comparing Child Outcomes of Physical Punishment and Alternative Disciplinary Tactics: A Meta-Analysis, 8 Clinical Child & Family Psychology, rev. 1 (2005).
Copyright, Is Yelling the New Spanking? _ Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, March, 2014. All rights reserved.
