Terrible Twos: A Sign Your Toddler Is Growing Up

By Sharon Rose

     

     Toddlers are funny and amazing; oh, the things they can do and say!  Toddlers can also be difficult and need a lot of understanding and patience from their parents. They go through a normal stage in their development referred to as "terrible twos."  It is a stage with a notorious reputation, that all parents dread and fear.  It is talked about in Mom circles, even before it arrives.  Your toddler can go through “terrible twos" as early as, before the age of one year, and as late as five years.  Typically, however, it shows up between eighteen months and three years old.  Each of my own three children went through it at different ages.  It is not until age six that your child is expected to understand “reason.”  So, get ready for a phasing in and out of unpredictable and irritable behavior that will last beyond the age of two.  Expect temper tantrums, mood swings, and the word "no" to be used frequently as this rite of passage is ushered in.  Be assured, it is nothing your child is doing on purpose to anger you, but he is sending a signal that he needs your help learning to find his way in the world.  Parents are often shocked when their little angels, suddenly, turn into difficult, uncooperative, bossy, adventurous risk-takers. Toddlers going through "terrible twos" are experiencing rapid intellectual, motor, social, and emotional changes.  It is a sign that your toddler is growing up. They are eager to do things on their own without any help from Mommy or Daddy, even if it is a task too difficult for a toddler to do. They are risk-takers, so must be watched very closely to keep them safe.  They climb on things that are not for climbing, often out of curiosity about something that is at the top.  Their vocabulary is growing, but is not big enough yet to clearly communicate all their needs and wants.  All of these changes and the limitations cause frustration for your toddler, which can show up as a temper tantrum or moodiness.  Oh, the growing pains!  Who are they more painful for; your toddler or you?  The answer is, both; but you will get through it. 

     Parents and toddlers can get through this, because it is a normal stage that will pass.  What’s most important is how you react to this behavior.  Prepare to be patient and exercise age appropriate discipline with consistency.  Some situations are more difficult to handle than others.  Have a plan ahead of time to handle “extreme” temper tantrums.  In situations where a child is having an “extreme” temper tantrum a parent’s best course of action is to ignore the behavior, walk away, but only a safe distance.  If they fall to the floor, kick and thrash wildly about, remove any items within their reach that they may hurt themselves on.  Keep an eye on them, without giving them attention, to make sure they are safe.  Avoid giving attention to this kind of unwanted behavior, as your child will repeat the behavior for more attention.  Never shout, or yell.  Use a patient, but firm voice to signal that you, the parent, are in charge. Parents should use positive words, and avoid using the word "no."  This is your little ones favorite word now and you don't want to encourage the use of it.  When the “storm” is over, initiate an appropriate form of discipline.  Don’t worry, with consistent discipline your little caterpillar will emerge a butterfly.  Now is the time, while they are little, to modify behaviors that are unwanted ones.

Choosing a Form of Discipline for your Toddler

     What techniques are being used by today’s parents to discipline the average behavior problem?  At risk of much uproar I’m going to address where corporal punishment, a hot topic, stands with the parents of today.  Corporal punishment is an “old school” form of punishing a child to correct behavior.  Research studies show that by the time children in the United States reach high school, 85% of them have received some form of corporal punishment.  It is still held on to, often because of religious beliefs, despite an overwhelming number of research studies opposing it.  Most of us are familiar with Proverbs 13:24, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.”  To many, this Bible verse is proof that corporal punishment is the form of discipline that those with Christian values should accept.  Although all fifty states in the United States allow corporal punishment, there are many countries, such as Sweden and Germany, who have banned it.  Thankfully, gone are the days of rubbing a baby’s gums with alcohol for teething pain, and a teaspoon of turpentine on sugar for a cough.  I was one who, as a child, regrettably, was “healed” with that method.  Due to expert research studies a new set of parenting techniques have been accepted and are believed to promote optimal child development, which includes the trend of teaching children to use American Sign Language to communicate as young as 4 and 5 months old.  As far as discipline, today’s trend in parenting is to use time-out techniques as the preferred method.  Time-out is not a punishment, as opposed to corporal punishment.  Research shows corporal punishment can have short-term effectiveness. Time-out techniques are equally effective, but with preferred long-term effects and without the side effects caused by corporal punishment.  Why model aggressive behavior by spanking or whipping and risk an escalation of the punishment that could result in unintentional abuse; or cause anti-social behavior or the same modeled aggression in the child?  The American Academy of Pediatrics favors time-out, and I agree. Time-out can be used, effectively, in various forms from about two years old and up to teen age years.  Let’s talk about time-out for toddlers.  Here is a guide to achieve effective, long-term, positive behavior modification with your child.

Guide for Time-Out Techniques:

1.    Start early with “time-in.”  Have the expectation that the day will come that you will have to modify or correct certain behaviors.  Time-in is the attention, quality time, and the recognition you give to positive behavior.  Example: Be conscious of giving verbal praise and hugs when they follow the rules; hold your toddler in your lap; read books together; act as a playmate; etc.  When time-out is given, and they must sit alone, quiet, no playing; your toddler will have a point of reference as to what they are being denied. 

2.    Prepare your toddler and yourself.  Be clear ahead of time, what time-out will be used for; such as hitting another person, or unsafe behavior.  Both parents should agree to use the same method.  Prepare your toddler for the time-out process by explaining the process the first time it is used.  Place your toddler in time-out, immediately, upon the need to correct a behavior.  Try using other methods, like “quiet-time,” distraction, diversion, and humor when time-out is not needed, but your toddler needs to gain some self-control in a situation.  These behavior shaping strategies are preferred before the age of eighteen months to two years.

3.    Be brief.  State why you are placing them in time-out. Example: Say something like, “You are being placed in time-out; you will get hurt climbing.”  Try to limit your statement to 10 to 12 words.  Your toddler’s understanding of language is still developing.   

4.    You are the time keeper.  Give one minute for each year of the child’s age.  Use a timer that your child can hear go off, such as the one on the kitchen stove or a cell phone.  A two or three year old has no conception of time. Saying, “You have two minutes in time-out,” may be lost on a two year old.  They will be more willing to sit quietly and wait for a “ding.”   

5.    Keep it quiet.  Don’t preach at your child while they sit in time-out.  Use a chair, or have child sit "criss-cross legs" in a quiet area away from the TV and away from the scene of the misbehavior.  Have your child face forward, not face the wall.  Give them eye contact when you speak to them. Do not embarrass your child.  Their self image should not be damaged.  While your toddler is in time-out encourage them to sit quiet and wait for the “ding.”  When their time is up allow them to come out immediately.  If they are crying or having a tantrum while in time-out, let them know their time will be up when they are quiet.  Again, do not yell at your child; remain calm.  “Petting-up” should not be done, nor is it helpful.

6.    Make your expectations clear.  When your child comes out of time-out, sit with your child to make it clear what behavior you expect instead of the behavior that resulted in the time-out.  Young children who are learning to navigate in a world new to them do not know what to do until you teach them.  After a brief chat to explain, on their level, your expectations, always give them a hug.  The hug is an important part of the process.  This lets your child know that the time-out was to teach them, not punish them; that you are not angry.  Your toddler will learn that parents get angry soon enough, when they are older.             

7.    What should you do if your child refuses to go to time-out?  If your child refuses to go to time-out   take them by the hand to lead them there.  If they continue to resist, as the parent, physically place them in time out, showing that you are the adult in charge.  If your child leaves the time-out, repeat this until they remain in time-out.  If an “extreme” temper tantrum results, use your judgment as to when you should walk away.  Watch child’s safety from a distance and initiate appropriate discipline when your child has calmed down.  Do not “give in” and be sure to complete the time-out process.  

8.     Time-out when you are away from home allows consistency to continue.   Regardless of where you are, if your child misbehaves you can time them out.  Consistency is important in modifying unwanted behavior.  If you are away from home use creative ideas and good judgment to time your child out.  If at the mall, find a bench; if at the supermarket, find a quiet corner; or even if at the library, as I once experienced, use a library chair and announce time-out.

9.    Time-out, when it involves a group of children, is possible.  If you have several children of your own or if a group of children are visiting, say, for a birthday party, placing them in separate chairs around the room or other areas of the home can be done.  Parents must take control, in appropriate ways of disciplining to gain control of out-of-control children.  It’s no different from a referee at a sports game having to blow the whistle when time-out is called by the coach.  You can explain it this way to children of age levels who can understand.  “Quiet- time” is another strategy to calm a group.  Parent calls “quiet time" and child sits anywhere, briefly, and is expected to remain quiet.  This strategy is preferred to control unwanted behaviors like running in the house or too rough horseplay.  

10.    Language development, as it increases, will make time-out easier and more effective in increasing wanted behaviors and decreasing unwanted behaviors in your child.  For toddlers who have older siblings, the time-out process is likely to be more familiar because of their exposure to it.  For these children, it may seem like fun at first to join in with a sibling activity.  However, as your toddler has repeated visits to the time-out chair or area, the boredom and hurt feelings from leaving a play activity will set in. 

     

  

If your toddler is having a temper tantrum, have him to remain in time out until it's over. In a case such as this the "minute per year of age" rule would not apply.

      Other disciplinary strategies, such as, taking away a favorite thing or activity may be incorporated when your child is older.  This strategy can work as a partner to time-out.  Time-out is the preferred disciplinary technique for toddlers going through “terrible twos.”  Parents may use quiet-time to calm overactive behavior, such as, running in the house, before taking the next step of time-out.  These strategies prevent parents from using impulsive spanking out of frustration, and allow parents time to decide, what’s next.  You can succeed in rearing a well-trained, happy, and healthy child.  In time, the "so-called-terrible-twos" will be behind you.

Sources:
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/101/4/723.full 
http://pediatrics.about.com/od/toddlers/a/05_terrble_twos.htm 

Robert E. Larzelere & Brett R. Kuhn, Comparing Child Outcomes of Physical Punishment and Alternative Disciplinary Tactics: A Meta-Analysis, 8 Clinical Child & Family Psychology, rev. 1 (2005).

Copyright, Sharon Rose, "Terrible Twos: A Sign Your Toddler is Growing Up,Cannot be  " Parents Want to Know 101, January 9, 2013.   Cannot be reprinted without consent of the author.  All rights reserved.

 

The Father's Role In the Contemporary Family: How Children Benefit From An Involved Father

By Sharon Rose

      The role of fathers in the modern American family is changing in important and countervailing ways. Fathers who live with their children have become more intensely involved in their lives, spending more time with them and taking part in a greater variety of activities, and their children are benefiting. However, the share of fathers who are residing with their children has fallen significantly in the past half century.

      In 1960, only 11% of children in the U.S. lived apart from their fathers. By 2010, that share had risen to 27%. In contrast, the share of minor children living apart from their mothers increased only modestly, from 4% in 1960 to 8% in 2010. According to a new Pew Research Center analysis of the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG), more than one-in-four fathers with children 18 or younger now live apart from their children, with 11% living apart from some of their children and 16% living apart from all of their children.

      Our families look at a lot of TV in which we see the two parent family. However, is this real life? Despite the dream of the two parent home with a resident father, this is not the reality in many homes across the U.S. Although it is not the reality, we believe that involved fathers play a very important role in the family and advocate a "father presence," whether he is living in the home or outside of the home his children are living in. Fathers should be acknowledged and respected, not as “the second adult,” but as a parent whose involvement will greatly benefit the child. 

      One of the most important benefits of the involved father to the child is the behavior that is modeled when the child can observe a positive relationship between mother and father. Children learn so much more from parents as role models than they do from what the parents are saying on a daily basis. They are truly little “Mini-Me-s. When a boy sees his father showing respect to his mother, he learns from this modeling, how to treat women and a girl is gaining self-esteem and an expectation of how she should be treated by men. This “learning” will carry over into their adolescence and adulthood. They also benefit from observing how mother and father address conflicts within the mother-father relationship. Watching mother and father address conflicts in an adult and appropriate way teaches the same lesson, indirectly. Boys who understand that aggression and violence is not the way to solve conflict with women is less likely to grow up and act in an aggressive manner toward women. Girls who have involved fathers who solve conflict appropriately with their mothers see how they should expect men to treat them if conflicts arise. They are less likely to become involved in violent or unhealthy relationships when they become teenagers and adults. This will not be their comfort zone, nor will they have been given a message, when they were growing up that aggression should be expected. In contrast, research shows that fathers who display contempt, anger, violence, or give “the silent treatment” to the mother of their children are more likely to have children who are anxious, or anti-social. Tony Dungy, former NFL player and coach, talks about the father as a role model in his acclaimed book, “Uncommon.” He speaks to fathers, “Be the role model that God created you to be for others. Be the message the He intended for you to be, to all the world.” Certainly, words for all fathers to take to heart.

      Through the many studies done on the role of the father in the family, we have learned that children with involved, affectionate fathers have better educational outcomes. I stress that affection is needed from the father for both sons and daughters. Also, the influence of a father’s involvement on academic achievement extends into adolescence and young adulthood. U.S. Department of Education did a study that found highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43 % more likely than other children to earn A’s, and 33% were less likely to repeat a grade. 

      Children also benefit emotionally and psychologically from the presence of an involved father. From birth, children of involved fathers are more likely to be emotionally secure, confident to explore their environment, and create more healthy social relationships with peers, as they grow into adolescence and young adulthood. They are also, less likely to get into trouble at home, school, or in the community. Babies who get a lot of affection and playful interaction from their father feel more secure. A father’s playfulness with his children is more stimulating than the playful activity of the mother. Rough housing with Dad can teach children how to react to aggressive impulses and physical contact without losing control of their emotions. Fathers, more so, encourage independence and a lack of fear of the world outside the home. Fathers encourage achievement and competition, while mothers are more likely to stress nurturing, both of which are important. The balance between the two is needed. Yet another study of school-aged children found that children with involved fathers are less likely to experience depression, drug abuse, or display disruptive or delinquent behavior. Fathers hold an important role in benefiting a child’s growth, development, and future that cannot, likely, be filled by anyone else. We are not saying that there are no children without a father present who do not succeed; there are. However, they can give testament to the rough road they and their mothers traveled to get there. 

      The “resident” father in all homes does not fit the mold of the contemporary family, but the “involved” father can strengthen the modern day family and its future for the children. 


Research Sources:
http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2011/06/15/a-tale-of-two-fathers/
www.fatherhood.gov
Yeung, W. J., Duncan, G. J., & Hill, M. S. (2000). Putting fathers back in the picture: Parental activities and children's adult outcomes.
H. E. Peters, G. W. Peterson, S. K. Steinmetz, & R. D. Day (Eds.), Fatherhood: Research, interventions and policies (pp. 97-113). New York, NY: Hayworth Press; Harris, K. M., & Marmer, J. K. (1996).
Dungy, Tony, Uncommon: Finding Your Path to Significance, Tynsdale House Publishers, (Feb., 2009).

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Copyright, Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, The Father’s Role in the Contemporary Family: How Children Benefit From An Involved Father, June 10, 2013. All rights reserved.

The Role of the Surrogate Father

President Barack Obama and grandparents; high school graduation.

By Sharon Rose

      The term “surrogate father” has several different meanings, to include its most common use, and our interest, “substitute father.”   In this context the surrogate father is a man who is not the biological father, step-father, or adoptive father, but is a “father figure” in every sense of the term.  The “family model” has long embraced the surrogate father as it has struggled to maintain the roles within the family unit needed for the group survival financially, socially, and emotionally.

      

      This role is taken on by a man that takes the place of the biological or “real” father.  He could be one of the following: grandfather, uncle, older sibling, family friend, athletic coach, mother’s boyfriend, church pastor, or volunteer from a mentoring program.  Not only are there surrogate fathers who take the place of the real father, but there are those who fill the gaps of time present, long-term and short-term, of the absent or neglectful father.  I am interested in talking about the surrogate father because there are many stories to be told of the surrogate father stepping in and making a positive difference in the childhood and future of the children in a family.  Also, the presence of the surrogate father has relieved some of the many stressors of the single mother who has struggled to hold her family together, in the absence of a father figure.  The partnership between mother and surrogate father is one that should be recognized as a successful phenomenon within some families.

      

      The phenomenon of the surrogate father is important enough to encourage single mothers to be accepting of and seek a surrogate father for their children in the absence of their real father.  Many single mothers have successfully raised their children with the help of a surrogate father.   President Barack Obama is an example of someone who was raised by a surrogate father, his grandfather, Stanley Armour Dunham.  President Obama met his real father and knew of his whereabouts, and at some point, had a step-father, but it was his grandfather, his “surrogate father,” that provided consistent caring, paternal companionship, and love that likely made the difference in tempering the pain and bitterness that can come with the absence of the real father.  President Obama wrote about his close relationship with his grandfather during his growing up years and features a picture of him on the front of his first book, “Dreams from My Father.”  With a surrogate father (his grandfather), his grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, and his mother, Stanley Ann Dunham, coming together to raise him,  President Obama survived poverty, succeeded academically, has risen to the highest leadership position in the world, and is a glowing example of fatherhood, himself, the father of two girls.  

      Surrogate fatherhood can come about in many ways.  It often comes about when a single mother moves in with her father, uncle, or other family member out of necessity.  Some single mothers, who are very young, even still a teenager, and is still living with her parents when she gives birth, has a living situation in which her father often assumes the father figure role.  Surrogate fatherhood often just happens.  It comes about through life circumstances and not “on purpose” in an effort to fill that absent father role for the children.  Then, there are other situations in which a surrogate father (father figure) is sought out by single mothers, such as, by signing their children up with mentoring programs, like Big Brothers Big Sisters.  The Big Brothers component of this mentoring program pairs volunteers with “little brothers” and impacts the boys’ life in a positive way.  Research has confirmed the empowering and positive experience afforded to children who participate.  There are also resources and activities in the community that provide paternal role models who are there to help children navigate through life and learning situations, but are not as fully engaged with the child as the surrogate father. 

      

      Surrogate fathers have long helped to sustain the family.  They are the unsung heroes, lifting families through trails and giving children the confidence to believe in their potential to live out their dreams. They have helped many children have a wonderful childhood, and even grow up to become the most powerful leader in the world.

*Do you know someone who is a surrogate father?  Are you a surrogate father?  We would like to hear your comments. 

Research Source:  http://www.livestrong.com/article/77414-surrogate-father/

http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5961035/k.A153/Big_impact8212proven_results.htm

 Reading Resources: Barack Obama, “Dreams from My Father,” Copyright 1995, 2004, Three Rivers Press, New York, N.Y.

Personal Story of a Surrogate Father: http://jeffbenedict.com/index.php/articles/deseret-news/254-about-this-ad-saying-goodbye-to-grandpa-the-great-man-who-raised-me 

Copyright, Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, The Role of the Surrogate Father, June 15, 2013.  All rights reserved.

Taharka Brothers CEO, De'Von Brown, Talks Social Change and Civic Involvement

By Sharon Rose

The Taharka Brothers, serving up ice cream and a message of civic responsibility.

      The month of July, National Ice Cream Month, is the perfect time for the Taharka Brothers to invite everyone for FREE ice cream and so they are!  Taharka Brothers Homemade Ice Cream & Sorbets will be served up, Tuesday, July 16, 2013, at Recess D. C., 727 15th Street NW, Washington, DC, from 6 -8 P.M.  This is a KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN for Taharka Brothers Homemade Ice Cream & Sorbets, an ice cream company, who are on a mission to construct an ice cream truck and reach more people with their message of empowerment within the community.  They want to get their ice cream "mobile" to better advocate cultural understanding and civic involvement.  In order to do this they need to get their ice cream mobile "Vehicle for Change" on the road to go into the neighborhoods in Baltimore, Maryland, (their home base), Washington, D.C., and surrounding areas, and eventually throughout the United States. Plans for the truck show a pop-up stand, a library, and more, that can be taken to neighborhoods that have little exposure to enterprising amenities.  See more important details at our Source for the Taharka Brothers event: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/taharkabros/lets-get-the-taharka-brothers-ice-cream-truck-on-t

      Taharka Brothers ice cream is getting a lot of attention for it's delicious flavors!  NBA star, Shaquille O’Neal, has tweeted that he loves Taharka Brothers ice cream and Russell Simmons, Def Jam founder, agrees it’s terrific. The flavors are inspired by and dedicated to the lives of  “change makers and artists who have used their talents to speak peace, love, and justice to the world," says CEO of the company, De'Von Brown.  The company uses ice cream to promote progressive social change. Their efforts are not only improving their community, but also fostering economic agricultural growth in Haiti.

The Taharka Brothers are advocates of peace, and love.

       I had the opportunity to speak to De'Von Brown and I asked why they decided on a KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN, that from the description that you can read at our "source," will be very festive, an opportunity for professionals to network, and with FREE ice cream?   De'Von stated they decided to start their socially conscience project off with a fundraiser that would bring people together and have them feel a part of the help and benefits the neighborhoods will get as a result of this, "Vehicle for Change."  They plan to take the ice cream mobile truck to neighborhoods, college campuses, political events, music festivals, and more; wherever the people are that need and desire to hear their message.  The name, De'Von Brown of Baltimore, Maryland, may sound familiar to some because at age 12 he appeared in the the documentary, "The Boys of Baraka," which was shown in selected movie theaters throughout the country.  The documentary recounts the experiences of boys, from the poorest, at risk areas of Baltimore, who attended a boarding school in Kenya, Africa, during their middle school years.  De'Von, an alumni of the Baraka School, has since thrived and gone on to earn a degree from Maryland Institute of Arts (MICA) in film making and is an entrepreneur, one of five partners all under the age of 24, doing great things for our global community with Taharka Brothers. The documentary, which premiered at the South by Southwest Film Festival in 2005 has done great also, having won many awards, to include a Gold Hugo at the Chicago Film Festival, a NAACP Image Award, and was nominated for an Emmy Award. The Taharka Brothers are a successful team putting ice cream at the center of social and economic uplifting.   

Ready to hit the road with ice cream and a message of social change. Coming to a neighborhood near you.

      There are many of those outside of the Taharka Brothers company that are confident in the benefit the ice cream mobile truck will have in communities and they have come together with De'Von to host the event on tomorrow, Tuesday, July 16, 2013, at Recess D.C.  The hosts are: De'Von Brown, Raina Jones, Candice Jones, Sayo Esconsay (owner of Recess D. C.), Jennifer Fisher, and Bryan Wallace.  They all invite you to come out, network, get together with new friends and old, while helping Taharka Brothers meet its KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN goal.  Again, see more details on the event and the story of the Taharka Brothers at our "source."  You don't want to miss this one!

Source: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/taharkabros/lets-get-the-taharka-brothers-ice-cream-truck-on-t     -    Your Invitation: http://mad.ly/ffc0e3

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Copyright, Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, Taharka Brothers CEO, De'Von Talks Social Change and Civic Involvement, July 15, 2013.  Photographs, all rights reserved to the Taharka Brothers.  Pictured: Owners and Managers of Taharka Brothers Homemade Ice Cream & Sorbets.

Travel Guide for the Well-Traveled Family, Part 4: It's Time to Pack!

By Sharon Rose

You have been planning your family vacation for some time now. The time is finally near!  All necessary reservations are made, to include travel and living accommodations.  It’s time to pack! 


When Should You Start Packing For A Family Vacation? 

Yes, it’s time to start packing, but before you do, make a written list of what you need to pack and what you already have available at hand.  Let’s assume you are vacationing for 5 to 7 days and will need to pack for about a week. The amount of clothing and kind of clothing and other special items you will pack will be determined by your length of stay and destination. 

 

At least one month in advance start to shop for those “needs” that you don’t already have. Keep the “wants” to a minimum.  You don’t want to break the budget and you may want to shop once you arrive at your destination.  Also, remember when packing to leave room for any souvenirs you plan to bring back home with you. If you are flying, check with your airline to be sure of any current restrictions. This is important information to have ahead of shopping and packing. For example, if you need travel size items you will need to put them on your shopping list. Your mode of travel will definitely determine the flexibility you will have in packing. 

Two weeks before time for your family to leave on your trip start to monitor the laundry and put clean clothes aside after they have been washed that will go on the trip.  Make it easy on yourself and eliminate the stress rushing to do things last-minute can bring.  Update your written list to include only what you will carry with you. This list will help you to avoid leaving important items behind; and upon your return for home when your vacation is over, the list will help you to make sure you are taking all of your belongings back home.  I still think about, with great regret, my favorite pair of stiletto sandals I left in a hotel room while on vacation in Chicago. 

One week before time to leave, start to put everything in your suitcases.  If flying, keep in mind that most of the airlines charge $25.00 and up, per bag, that they check. However, it is the weight of the bag that will determine the fee.  We encountered an example of this when on my family’s most recent vacation to Disney World, flying from Atlanta, Georgia to Orlando, Florida.  One of my family member’s bags, weighed in at 120 pounds.  The assessed fee was $90.00.  So, be aware that if your bag is over a certain weight the charge will be determined per pound, not per bag.  She opted to remove as much as she could from the over-weight bag and place the items in her carry-on bag.  She was able to get the fee down to the $25.00 she expected. Taking a small carry-on bag per person is the most economical way to go. Check with your airline to clarify all current policies for bags that are checked.  Policies have been known to change.  Don’t be caught by surprise and use your travel “fun cash” for checking bags.  It’s just not worth it!


What and How Do You Need to Pack?

The itinerary that you have already created will help guide you in what you need to pack. Make the itinerary available to all adults traveling with you so they will be aware of what clothing will be appropriate for the activities that are planned. The ladies will need to bring along their “little black dress” if you plan to check out the nightlife or a fancy restaurant. Make sure you pack batteries for the camera and any chargers for electrical devices. The typical things you will need to pack for most any trip are: clothes, shoes, sunscreen, first-aid kit, bathroom use items, cosmetics, and medication. Be sure to order, well in advance, any needed prescriptions or prescription re-fills. If you will vacation for 5 to 7 days, how will you avoid over-packing? Leave anything behind, like towels, that will be available when you get to your destination. Most hotels have hair dryers and irons, so leave those behind, as well.  Ladies may have to practice an up-do hairstyle, because there will probably be no room for all the hair products you use at home.  Keep them to a minimum. To make more room in your suitcase try tightly rolling your clothes, and using all the side and top pockets in your bag.  Use plastic zip-lock bags to protect clothing from any liquids that could spill in your suitcase.  Don't pack glass items, especially if your suitcase will be checked by an airline.  There is too much risk for breakage and spills on your clothing.  The suitcases are tossed and banged about by baggage handlers and machinery in a rather rough way.  With the thousands of bags to load and unload, quickly, and have them waiting for travelers, on time, at baggage claim, there is no time to be gingerly.  Other packing tips: stuff underwear in shoes to save space; use zip-lock plastic bags, and label them to organize items, such as, underwear, accessories, or socks for the kids to make them easy to find in your suitcase once you arrive at your destination.  It can be so frustrating and time-consuming to look for items in a disorganized suitcase.  You don’t want to be late for you dinner reservations looking for the kids’ socks. 

You need plenty of space to organize packing for a family of four or more.

Don't pack glass or breakable items in your suitcase.  Rough handling would put fragile items at risk.

You have packed the essentials, now what about snacks? I would definitely take along some snacks, and especially if children will be on the trip with you.  I would advise buying snacks before you leave home because they will cost more or be inconvenient to purchase once you get to your destination.  Airports, hotels, and convenience stores usually have high prices on food items.  Take a good book, iPad and iPod along; include mini game consoles, coloring books, and crayons for the kids.  The kids will need entertainment on the airplane or in car.  Pack these items in your carry-on or purse, if flying.  Although most airports and hotels are wired for WiFi these days, if not a “must-have,” let me encourage you to leave your computer behind and enjoy being on vacation.  If an emergency should arise and you need the use of a computer, there is a business office for residents’ use in most hotels or local self-help computer and business services stores, once you reach your destination.

Complete all packing at least 3 days in advance of leaving.  Check your list to make sure you are not leaving anything behind.  You’re all packed and ready to go!

* You leave in 3 days.  Now is a good time to verify any reservations.  These days, many establishments send out e-mail reminders; watch for this if you shared your e-mail address. 

*Next, it's time to have a talk with the kids on traveling and living away from home.  Family Travel Tip # 5 – Travel Safety Tips for the Kids.

Copyright, Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, "Travel Guide for the Well-Traveled Family, Part 4: It's Time to Pack!"   June 21, 2013, all rights reserved.  Photo credit, Sharon Rose, Mother packing families clothes; all rights reserved.

Travel Guide for the Well-Traveled Family, Part 3: The Vacation Itinerary

By Sharon Rose

The time you take to research and make a detailed vacation itinerary will determine if your family vacation will truly be magical and create the memories you will cherish for years to come. 

Listen and Research - We are living in the age of the internet and it can be your best resource in helping you and your family decide what you want to do when you get to your vacation destination. Gather ideas and information from the internet, brochures, travel books, and documentaries. Travel agencies can be helpful, as well. Also, research with phone apps will be helpful in making choices for your itinerary, as well as, when you arrive at your destination.  Make use of technology! Come together, again, with your family and listen to ideas from each other.  Encourage family members to do some research prior to your family discussion. I recently created the daily itineraries for my family's trip to Disney World. As it turned out, it was very important that we went through this step in the process. I listened to the likes, dislikes, and ideas from our family members. I incorporated activities into our daily itineraries, over the 5 days that we vacationed, to allow everyone to feel fulfilled in their experience, and have fun. When creating the itinerary you have to keep in mind that it is a family vacation and not yours alone. Once we reached our destination I found myself enjoying the "likes" of others that I probably would not have tried, otherwise.  I was happy I found the courage for the "scary" rides; they were fun after-all!  If your vacation destination "is" Disney World, be sure to check-out the Disney Parks Moms Panel for help planning your itinerary.  The Moms panel is an online forum that serves as a resource for planning Disney parks vacations.  Some great tips and information there! 

Some activities we included in our itinerary on our family vacation to Disney World, April, 2013.

Splash Mountain at Disney World, Magic Kingdom Theme Park. 

African Safari, Disney World, Animal Kingdom Theme Park.

"The Lion King," an adaptation at Disney World, Animal Kingdom Theme Park.

It's in the Details - Keep an eye and ear out for specials and discounts for hotels, restaurants, activities, and transportation. There will be many variables and options available to help make your vacation less expensive. A well-traveled family pays attention to the budget. The best and most useful itinerary is detailed. Include: where you are going, how you will get there, the time you will go, amount of time and any cost involved. Gather maps to help you with time management as you move from one activity to another, daily. 

If you need help making out your itinerary, work with a travel agency, or if doing it on your own, try the free service of Tripit.com, or template guides available online. If your destination is Disney World, there is a Disney template available online to help you create an itinerary. You can also just use a listing format and list daily activities. Just keep it detailed.  Here are helpful links:

http://www.tripit.com/destinations/create-a-vacation-itinerary/ 
http://www.disneyparksplanning.com/p/planning.html

http://plnnr.com/

If you are planning far in advance, a few months, or even a few weeks in advance, you have time, and it is in the best interest of your group to make out a daily trip itinerary. 

*Check back for what’s next.  It's time to pack!

Copyright - Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, "Travel Guide for the Well-Traveled Family:  Part 3, The Vacation Itinerary,” June 14, 2013.  All rights reserved.  Photography credits, Disney World Photos, to Sharon Rose.  All rights reserved.