Is Yelling the New Spanking?

By Sharon Rose

 

Noooo-oooo-oooo!!!!!!

 

      Let's have a conversation about how you discipline your children and if it's time to make a change. I grew up in an era when spanking was the way to discipline your children. When I started my family, I made a choice that I was not going to be the parent who spanked the baby's hand or took a leather belt to an older child for every big or little offense. Most experts on child behavior agree that spanking can lead to children choosing hitting and other violent behavior to solve their problems. 

"Dad, she hit me with the spoon!!!" daughter yelled.  Dad yelled too!

 

      By the time I had three children, all in toddler stage, I had become a yeller.  This was due to being overwhelmed while trying to gain control of chaotic situations, my determination not to spank my children, and learning to multi-task, as many mothers must do.  I was not prepared to handle all three children without feeling some stress and frustration.  Like some parents, I confused yelling with firmness.  However, the two are not related.  It took educating myself: learning to be patient; learning how to communicate assertively to my children; learning the importance of self-control; learning modern discipline strategies; and being consistent in the use of these important tools.

"Kids, stop the noise, I'm on the phone!!!!!"  Mom yelled.  Trying to
multi-task: doing laundry, caring for the baby, supervising other children, talking on
the phone; often leads to a lot of frustration and yelling.

 

      Thankfully, I was able to stop being the parent who yelled to get my children’s attention or change naughty, inappropriate behavior.  I came to understand, through parent education, that yelling was my reaction to feeling overwhelmed and not a discipline strategy.  I replaced it with patience, and using more appropriate strategies to discipline my children. Otherwise, I would, likely, have three children who grew up to be yellers themselves, since children follow your model.  Not a legacy I wanted to pass on. 

 Patience and comforting words work best when your child is upset. When behavior,

such as, running or rough-housing between siblings becomes a problem, quiet-time

in a designated area works well to calm things down.

 

QUESTION: How do you discipline your children?  Talk about it with someone who is knowledgeable on disciplining children of various ages, including your pediatrician.  Look for current reading resources to guide you in making healthy discipline choices. 

 

To Get You Started, Reading Resources:

 Sharon Rose, Terrible Twos: A Sign Your Toddler is Growing Up, January, 2013, http://parentswanttoknow101.blogspot.com/2013/08/terrible-twos-sign-your-toddler-is.html.

 Robert E. Larzelere & Brett R. Kuhn, Comparing Child Outcomes of Physical Punishment and Alternative Disciplinary Tactics: A Meta-Analysis, 8 Clinical Child & Family Psychology, rev. 1 (2005).


 

Copyright, Is Yelling the New Spanking? _ Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, March, 2014.  All rights reserved.

 

 

Feeding Baby: How to Avoid Food Allergies

by Sharon Rose

      

     Incorporating solid food into Baby's diet is an exciting milestone for parents. However, there are so many questions, especially about food allergies. Parents want to know how to avoid them. Having three children with food allergies, that surfaced when they were babies, I learned that it is best to avoid food allergies rather than have to deal with the effects. The effects can vary, from a rash (including hives, blisters, and eczema), congestion, asthma attack, fever, swelling, to breathing difficulty. 

Eczema and hives are rashes that can result due to food allergy. Keep baby healthy and happy by introducing foods one at a time when you start solid food.

     When parents start baby on solid food it is best to do it gradually in case there are food allergies. Start by introducing one food at a time. Do not introduce 2 or 3 foods in one day. For instance, start with the one food and do not introduce a second food for another 4 to 5 days.  If there is no allergic reaction to the first food you introduced, keep it as a part of baby's diet and add a second food. Continue, adding a third, fourth, and fifth food, testing each for 4 to 5 days.  When there is no allergic reaction to a food, keep that food as a part of baby's diet as you continue testing food after food. Eventually, you will have a healthy menu of foods to serve your baby that you can feel confident presents no danger of an allergic reaction to your baby. If this sounds like a lot, believe me, it's worth it if it prevents illness or a trip to the doctor or ER for your baby.  My voice is the voice of experience, as I was once a new parent stuck in the revolving door of the ER with issues related to my baby's food allergies. Allergies are often looked upon frivolously, but can be a very dangerous health issue for anyone. It will pay off to introduce foods one at a time when baby starts solid food.  You will be happy and Baby will be happy, comfortable, and healthy!

 Introduce foods to baby one at a time to make sure you are aware of any allergic reactions to food.

No rashes make a happy baby!

 Copyright, "Feeding Baby: How to Avoid Food Allergies," Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, June 5, 2014.  All rights reserved.

The Father's Role in the Contemporary Family: The Changing Role of Caregiver for Children

"You're my favorite little buddy!"

By Sharon Rose

     Many fathers are concerned that they won't know how to care for their newborn baby, or be gentle enough. Some men may think they should wait until the baby gets older and bigger before they start to handle them. However, fathers should start handling the baby as soon as the baby enters the world. Research shows that men have a hormonal response to becoming a father and nature takes over to guide them. That does not mean that fathers have no need to learn parental skills that will greatly enhance parenting. There is much to learn. What it does mean is, with time and practice, a father will become more confident in taking care of the baby. It will become natural for the father. The more time a father spends holding his baby the more skillful and comfortable at caring for the baby he will become. Every day a father spends involved, showing affection, and bonding with his baby, the stronger the paternal instincts will become. 

     Bonding time is becoming more and more important as many men take on the role of the primary caregiver, or at least, share an equal role of caring for the baby and children in the family under the age of 15 years old. In the United States, there are various reasons fathers are becoming the primary care giver, including the following: the recent recession and subsequent recovering economy causing many men to be out of work; the rising cost of child care outside of the home; couples making a choice to have at least one parent at home full time with the children; and married fathers who earn less at work than their wives and choose to be the stay-at-home Dad to provide the needed child care, as the best financial situation for their family.  There is no longer the double-take when fathers are seen in the supermarket or on the playground with the children in the middle of the day.  In many ways, the choice to have the father become the primary care giver for the children under 15 has become a lifestyle.  It is the “new normal.”

     Statistics support this. According to the most recent U.S. Census Report in 2010, there were 176,000 stay-at-home Dads. When fathers who were freelance/work-from-home, and part-time workers were added, this number rose to 626,000 stay-at-home Dads that were primary caregivers for their children. 

     Our national laws are changing to help support the changing role of the caregiver for the children in the family. In the United States the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) of 1993 has made it mandatory that employers with at least 50 employees allow an employee, of at least 12 months, to take unpaid leave for the family, to include parental leave. A new term, parental leave, includes maternity, paternity, and adoption leave. Studies show a small percentage of fathers are taking advantage of this up to 12 weeks leave. However, most are using sick or vacation leave to help with care of a newborn to offset the loss of pay at a crucial time of financial need for the family. In 2004, the state of California made it mandatory for employers to allow up to 6 weeks paid family leave, including parental leave for same-sex partners. The state of New Jersey followed with the same improvement in the benefit. We can watch for others to follow, as fathers in caregiver roles have become a driving force, to include, voicing a need for pay during the family leave time.

     Fathers bonding with their children at an early age, whether as the primary caregiver or as the father sharing hands-on responsibility and involvement, is a good thing. Here are some tips for fathers of infants to get you started as an involved father: 

Tips on Bonding with Baby for Dads:

1. Give Baby a bottle. If Mom is breastfeeding, Dad can give the water bottle. As Baby takes the bottle he also learns to recognize your face.

2. Diaper duty can be shared with Mom, and will be a big help. Some Dads may need instructions and practice on how to change a diaper, but it will soon come easy. We all had to learn!

3. Wear your baby. Use a sling or pouch that fits in the front of you and carry Baby around as you do chores at home, etc.  Baby will be comforted by the feeling of being close to you.

  

Daddy and Baby clean the house as a team.  

4. Massage Baby with lotion after a bath or soothe Baby when fussy.

5. Give Baby a bath. You’ll both enjoy this!

6. Sing a lullaby. Baby won't be critical of the tune you carry and will be soothed by a gentle, lulling voice.

7. Read a good book to Baby. At any age, Baby will like hearing the sound of your voice, even before they can understand the content of the story.

"What are we reading today, Daddy?"

8. Take a walk with Baby in the stroller, when weather permits. Talk to your baby as you walk along and enjoy the exercise for yourself.

9.  Make Daddy play-time a part of Baby’s daily schedule.  Keep it at about the same time each day, such as, when you first arrive home from work.  Make funny faces and watch Baby giggle, play peek-a-boo, act-out traditional children’s rhymes, such as Pat-A-Cake and Itsy-Bitsy Spider.  Baby will love this!

Baby loves Daddy Play-time! 

10.  Be a part of Baby’s health care needs.  Go to well-baby appointments.  Take a sick day (full or half) and stay home to take care of Baby when he is sick.     

     The changing roles of the caregiver for the children under age 15 in the family have caused many fathers to find their nurturing side and mothers to take on more of a disciplinarian, authoritative role. Parents supporting one another is needed and necessary. However, we must remember how important keeping the balance of the mother-father role is within the family. 

Research Source: http://money.cnn.com/2012/04/30/pf/stay-at-home-dad/index.htm
www.parentswanttoknow101.blogspot.com/bondingtimeforbabyanddad

Educational Resources for Dads: www.fatherhood.gov
www.fatherhood.org; www.parentswanttoknow101.blogspot.com.


Copyright, Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, The Father’s Role in the Contemporary Family: The Changing Role of Caregiver for Children, June 11, 2013; edited version, July 29, 2014.  All rights reserved.

Family Quality Time is Important

by Sharon Rose 

     What is quality time?  Quality time is time spent focused on others, sharing energy, values, and feelings while engaged in an activity meaningful to all parties involved. Today, parents and grandparents have such busy lifestyles, extra effort has to go into spending quality time with the family. It is the best, and only sure way to get to know one another in a real and meaningful way.

     Quality time can be as spontaneous as daily happenings, such as: sharing family meals, talking about your day, bath-time for baby, or reading a book together. It can also be fun, planned activities, especially those that are not costly, such as: family game night, a day at the park or beach, movies (home or out), bowling, eating out where children can eat free, or family vacation. It becomes quality time when we take advantage of the time by being present in the moment, focused, and sharing ourselves in a meaningful way.

   

     Spending quality time together creates a strong bond within the family, and is the basic way our children learn to relate to others. Family quality time is important, because it gives our children a lens in which to see and relate to the world around them, and grows a family full of sharing and LOVE.

            My family and I enjoying a wonderful vacation at Disney World, Orlando, Florida, April 2013.

Copyright, Parents Want to Know 101, "Family Quality Time is Important ," Sharon Rose, March 16, 2014. All rights reserved.  Personal family photo, photographer, Sharon Rose, all rights reserved.

Tips for Child Proofing Your Home

Electrical outlets are eye level to crawling babies and toddlers.
They are often the first target of their curiosity.  

By Sharon Rose  

     Is it time to make your home as safe as possible for your growing baby or toddler?  When your baby starts to show more independence by crawling, pulling up to a table, or walking, it is time to take action, if you haven't already.  A good place to start is plugging up the electrical outlets.  Use electrical outlet covers, which can be found at any store that carries home items, to prevent anything from being pushed into the outlet holes.  Electrical outlets are especially inviting to crawling babies and toddlers because most are eye level to the child, therefore, easy to get to.  Although, it may prove to be an inconvenience to the parent, it is a must for the safety of the child who has no idea of the dangers of electricity. Place household cleaners, health and beauty products, medicines, or anything poisonous in a high place, preferably, an area that is behind a closed door.  If it's not needed, now is the time to throw it out.  Avoid using "throw rugs," the area rugs that often are the culprit of trip-and-fall accidents in the home.  Toddlers love to run and play in the house and are already accident prone because of this.  If you must use a rug, wall-to-wall carpet or area rugs with non-skid backing is more safe.  Also, keep the floor clean and small items that can be swallowed out of reach.  Other things like coins, pencils, ink pens, crayons, safety pins, marbles belonging to siblings, and beaded rope necklaces that can break, are also at the top of the household, at-risk-list for swallowing.  

     Swallowing things is a very big danger for babies and toddlers.  However, there is another danger that I want to mention, and it is that of putting small items in the nose or ears. When your child becomes a toddler, ages one to three, and is more independent, you may allow him to play with toys that have small parts.  I can recount several stories, told to me, of despairing mothers who had this experience, myself included.  Message: Keep small items and parts out of the hands of babies and toddlers.     

     Don't decide to guard dangers in the home and stop your child before anything bad happens. Child proofing your home is the responsible choice and your best parenting.  



*Helpful contact information if your child has an emergency:

If you have a poison emergency in the U.S.A., call 1-800-222-1222, American Association of Poison Control Centers.

To find contact information on your local children's hospital, go to the Children's Hospital Association, http://www.childrenshospitals.net/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Home3




Copyright, "Tips for Child Proofing Your Home," Parents Want to Know 101, by Sharon Rose, June 29, 2014.  All rights reserved.

6-Month-Old Baby Milestones

Six-month old milestones can be amazing!

By Sharon Rose   

     Your baby is 6-months-old and you have made it half-way through Baby's first year.  Your baby has grown so fast, about 1 1/2 to 2 pounds a month.  Now, expect your baby's weight gain to slow to about 1 pound a month, but look forward to many developmental milestones beginning at 6 months.  Get ready for giggles and more smiles.  Let's talk about what's next.    

     This is such an exciting time in your baby's growth and development. You can expect your baby to start sitting up alone by six months.  Babies will first hold themselves up, in a sitting position, with their hands.  One day you will turn towards your baby to see him sitting with no support.  Such a memorable moment!  ....and there's more! 

     A 6-month-old can be expected to roll from his back to his stomach.  You can no longer leave him alone on your big bed and think he will stay where you left him. Don't be surprised, if you put him to sleep in his crib on his back, to awaken to find him on his stomach.  That's an "Aha!" moment that most parents will always remember. 

     This is, also, the time that you can expect your baby to start crawling.  You will notice your baby on hands and knees rocking, back and forth.  Take the rocking back and forth as a clue that the crawling will begin soon.  At any moment they will just take off.  If you haven't already, you will need to child-proof your home.  Put anything of danger, such as poisonous cleaning products or sharp objects, out of reach.  You will find that your baby's curiosity is developing very fast and you will not want anything harmful to be in their path. 

     At 6-months, your pediatrician will usually recommend that you start your baby on solid food.  From my own parenting experience and research, I recommend that you start your baby with an iron-fortified rice cereal mixed with breast milk or formula.  Introduce strained fruits and vegetables one at a time.  Each time you introduce a new food wait a few days before introducing another to make sure your baby is not allergic to it.   A cautionary note: Do not give your baby honey until at least one-year-old because it can carry the bacteria that causes botulism.

     The grandparents will be so pleased to notice that their grandchild recognizes their faces.  At 6-months your baby knows the faces of parents, grandparents and other familiar family and friends.  A fear of strangers usually shows up about this time.  Babies are, also, fascinated with their own image. A mirror is a great toy to add at this age. 

     There will be more interaction between you and your baby.  Schedule playtime and enjoy playing with your baby.  Parents are baby's first playmates.  Babies love games like Peek-A-Boo and Pat-A-Cake.  Also, once your baby is sitting up on his own, bath-time play is so much more fun!  If you have other children, train them in the appropriate way to play with your baby and include them in Baby’s playtime.  

Playtime with your baby will bring smiles and happy giggles.

     There is so much to be expected with the milestones of 6-month-olds, and going forward.  It is helpful and important to know what to expect and to prepare yourself to do your best parenting.  Watching and waiting for your baby to do something new everyday has begun!  

*Tips for Your Baby’s Sixth Month:

1.  Be on the lookout for signs that your baby is not hitting important milestones, like babbling, sitting unassisted, smiling, making eye contact, or responding to sounds. If you’re concerned that your baby has missed any milestone, call your pediatrician. 

2.  Play peek-a-boo and similar games with your baby. It will help teach the idea of object permanence, that objects still exist, even when they’re out of sight. 

3.  Place toys just out of reach on the floor to encourage your baby to start crawling. 

4.  If you have older children, make sure to put away toys with tiny pieces to prevent your baby from choking.

*Research Note: "Tips for Your Baby’s Sixth Month,"  http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/baby-development-6-month-old?page=5

Find more information on 6-month-old milestones:

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/milestones-6mo.html?mobile=nocontent

http://parentswanttoknow101.blogspot.com/2011/09/starting-your-baby-on-solid-food.html?m=1

Copyright, "6-MONTH-OLD BABY MILESTONES," Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, June 18, 2014.  All rights reserved.