Little Fish in the Big Sea: Bullying At Its' Worst

By Sharon Rose

     When I was growing up my family moved several times to different states, which meant a change of schools and being faced with making new friends.  There were times, at my new schools, when I was willing to make friends, but others were not.  In one such instance, a little girl who befriended me had a “best friend” who considered me an unwelcome intruder.  The “best friend” only wanted me to go away.  I found myself a victim of bullying.  This is just one of the ways bullying gets started.  Little fish in the big sea are food for sharks.

     This is a complex issue that is very challenging to combat.  Efforts are being made on many fronts to eliminate this insidious behavior that is harming so many of our children.  Statistics for 2010 reveal that 1 in 7 students in grades K – 12 is being bullied or bullies others.  That breaks down to about 2.7 million children being bullied each year by about 2.1 students acting as the bully.  Further, 15 % of students who skip school say they do so out of fear of being bullied.  Among the efforts to educate children on the damaging effects of bullying is the annual school event of Mix It Up at Lunch Day.  In 2012, Mix It Up at Lunch Day will be held on October 30th across the United States.  Teachers and parents can set this up at their school.  It's easy; free materials and ideas at www.tolerance.org will help you get started. The focus, for the children, is eating lunch with other children they don't usually talk to; making new friends.  Planners of the event switch the seating arrangement in the school cafeteria and add fun activities that also teach the facts of bullying. 

What is Bullying and How Does it Differ from Conflict?

     Bullying is a repeated and intentional form of aggressive behavior meant to be hurtful, physically and/or psychologically.  An imbalance of strength or power is always present.  It’s important to properly identify the difference between bullying and conflict in order to help our children know the difference and learn to respect and get along with others.  Conflict occurs when there is opposition of ideas or some clash of force between persons or groups.  This could range from the school yard fight to a full scale war between countries.   It is not a good thing to have conflict, but it is understandable that at some point elements coming into contact with one another will disagree.  However, with conflict those involved settle their differences and move on.  Not so with bullying.   In the case of bullying, the bullying behavior occurs over and over again, even when the bully has accomplished the results he wants; he will not stop.   From its’ definition we can see why bullying is most often carried out by a physically big person against a physically smaller person; or an over-confident , or mean-spirited person against someone with low self-esteem or a passive personality trait.  

     When discussing bullying with my students and confronting them about bullying behavior, many would say, "I was just playing." Do kids know the difference between playing and bullying? Some do, but some do not. Bullying has become so ingrained in the behavior exhibited by many, adults and children, in our society that children sometimes view it as being playful, or as the norm. Everyone does it! Verbal abuse, such as name calling, falls in this category.  Does your child's school have a bullying program that teaches children the facts about bullying?  Children need to know the facts and how bullying and/or being a bully can harm them and others.  Talk to your child about bullying.  You are your child’s first teacher. 

The Types of Bullying:

Physical Bullying  -  Hitting, slapping, kicking, elbowing, pushing, slamming into school lockers, stealing or damaging property of others (lunch money, school books, jewelry, etc), attacking with food.

Verbal Bullying  -  Name-calling, insulting put-downs, threats and intimidation, gender offensive remarks, gender-identity offensive remarks. 

Social/Relationship Bullying  -  Gossiping and spreading malicious rumors, negative body language, causing embarrassment, deliberately destroying and/or manipulating a relationship, whispering behind one’s back (with the intention of making them aware of this), offensive jokes directed at another, passing offensive notes around about another, excluding someone from a group, offensive graffiti (with the use of profanity or inappropriate language), hate petitions (written promises to hate another ).

Cyber Bullying  -  Negative text, post or messages on cell phones, voice messages, e-mails, instant messaging, chat rooms, or web pages that include: spreading rumors online, sending threatening messages, and stealing someone’s identity by breaking into their account information and sending out intimidating messages to others.   A sub-category of cyber bullying involves sexting.  Sexting is sending out sexually explicit photos over a cell phone or the internet.  Bullying becomes involved when someone spreads sexually explicit photos of someone, on the internet, without their permission, with the intent to do harm. 

     Let’s talk more about cyber bullying because it is the latest trend in bullying and is having a powerful impact on our youth.  Cyber bullying, bullying that takes place over the internet or a technological device such as a cell phone, has shown a steady increase with the rise of technological use by young people and their use of it at younger ages.  The internet has become a big part of the social lives of many adolescents and teens.  It has taken the place of watching TV, telephone chats, and is a distraction from homework.  Among adolescents and teens, more than 1 in 3 has experienced cyber threats over the internet.  Over half of adolescents and teens using the internet have been bullied online or bullied others.  Cyber bullying, of all the types of bullying, can be the hardest to detect because it can be done anonymously.  Parents must be especially vigilant in supervising their children’s use of the computer, cell phones, iPads, and iPods, all of which can access the internet.  If they are old enough to have Facebook, My Space, or any other social media accounts, parents should have the passwords to these accounts and check them regularly. Your child should be made aware that this is a part of how you protect them, as a parent.  Parents should also be sure that their child has shown the proper maturity, independent skills, and responsibility to have a social media account before allowing it.  Don’t be swayed by the age old cliché from adolescents, “All my friends are doing it.”

      As you can see, there are so many types of bullying that have clearly invaded every area of our lives.  Bullying must be taken serious wherever its’ ugly head rises.  We, also, need to be able to identify bullying.  It is at epidemic levels in our society and affects people of all ages, genders, religions, economic, and ethnic groups.  Those who have been bullied as a child are very often left emotionally scarred by the hurtful and degrading, physical and verbal abuses.  It has even been the catalyst for some self-harm behavior, even suicide.  Many of us are aware of tragic stories of teen suicide, ignited by bullying, that has played out in the media.  Cruel intentions of teens upon other teens sadden us all.  Parents must take steps to educate their children on bullying.  If you suspect your child is being bullied or is bullying another child, take the appropriate steps to stop it.  The whole community must work together to stop bullying.  We can make a difference; let’s get involved.  Learn more about identifying bullying behavior and learn what you can do to stop it at:

·         http://www.stopbullying.gov/prevention/talking-about-it/index.html

·         http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/bullies.html 

Sources: www.healthfinder.gov

              www.bullyfree.com

              www.ncpc.org

              www.tolerance.org

              www.bullyingstatistics.org

               

  References: www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/bullies.html

                    www.stopbullying.gov/prevention/talking-about-it/index.html 

Copyright, Sharon Rose, “Little Fish in the Big Sea: Bullying At Its’ Worst,” Parents Want to Know 101, October 23, 2012.  All rights reserved.