Parents Want to Know 101: Terrible Twos: A Sign Your Toddler is Growing Up

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Terrible Twos: A Sign Your Toddler is Growing Up

By Sharon Rose

Most toddlers go through a stage known as "the terrible twos." Your toddler may be going through "the terrible twos" if they are between 20 months and three years old. Yes, your toddler could even be three before "the terrible twos" set in, as I found with one of my children. Look for temper tantrums, mood swings, and the word "no" to be used frequently as this rite of passage is ushered in. Parents wonder why their little angels, suddenly, one day turn into difficult, uncooperative, bossy, adventurous risk-takers. Toddlers going through "the terrible twos" are undergoing intellectual, motor, social, and emotional changes that signals the new independence that shows your child is growing up. They are eager to do things on their own without any help from Mommy or Daddy, even if it is a task too difficult for a toddler to do. They are risk-takers, so must be watched very closely. They climb on things that are not for climbing, often out of curiosity about something that is at the top. Their vocabulary is growing, but is not big enough yet to clearly communicate all their needs and wants. All of these changes and the limitations cause frustration for your toddler, which can show up as a temper tantrum or moodiness.

Parents and toddlers can get through this, because it is a stage that will pass. Prepare to be patient with your toddler; offer words of comfort and hugs. When extreme temper tantrums show up, however, the best tactic is to ignore the behavior; always making sure that your toddler is safe. Yes, when they fall to the floor, kick and thrash about, walk away. Take a peek at them, off and on, again, to make sure they are safe. Avoid giving attention to this kind of negative behavior, as your toddler will choose it to keep getting more attention in that way. Never shout, or yell; use a patient, but firm voice to signal that you, the parent, are in charge. Parents should use positive words, and avoid using the word "no." This is your little ones favorite word now and you don't want to encourage the use of it. Now is the time to modify your toddlers behaviors that are not positive ones; while they are little. How will you do this? I recommend "time-outs." Use a chair, or have child sit "criss-cross legs" in a quiet area. Have your child face forward, not face the wall. Time your toddler out one minute for each year old that they are. Tell your child why they are being timed-out and how many minutes they will be in time-out. When the time-out is over, sit with your child and explain the behavior you want them to use instead of the negative behavior, and why. Give them a hug and kiss, after the brief talk, so they understand that you are not angry. They will learn that parents get angry, soon enough, when they are older. Children are learning and you have to tell them what you expect from them. You are modifying or training their behavior as they grow. Other punishments, such as taking away a favorite thing or activity may be incorporated as they get older. You are your child's first teacher.