How to Talk About Bullying with Your Child

By Sharon Rose 

      Parents, teachers and other caring adults have a role to play in preventing bullying.  If your child is being bullied at school, always contact the school and work with them to stop the bullying.  Here are 5 tips to better understand how you can help your kids to understand bullying and how to protect themselves: 

1.Talk about what bullying is and how to stand up to it safely. Give tips, like using humor and saying stop directly and confidently. Let them try it out with you by role playing. Tell kids bullying is unacceptable. Make sure kids know how to get help. Encourage them to speak to an adult they trust if they are being bullied or see others being bullied.
2. Keep the lines of communication open. Check in with kids often. Listen to them. Research shows that kids really do look to parents and caregivers for advice and help on tough decisions. Sometimes spending 15 minutes a day talking can reassure kids that they can talk to their parents if they have a problem. Know their friends, ask about school, and understand their concerns.

3. Encourage kids to do what they love. Special activities, interests, and hobbies can boost confidence, help kids make friends, and protect them from bullying behavior.


4. Parents should stay involved with their kid's school. Keep parent/teacher conferences. Volunteer in the classroom at party-time, field trips, etc.

5. Model how to treat others with kindness and respect. Your kid is a mini-me.

Copyright, How to Talk About Bullying with Your Child, Sharon Rose, Parents Want to Know 101, November 10, 2017.  All rights reserve.

Happy Grandparent's Day!

It's a special day, it's National Grandparent's Day!

      It's National Grandparent's Day, Sunday, September 10, 2017!  Hug your grandparents today!  On August 3, 1978, then President, Jimmy Carter, declared that the first Sunday after Labor Day would be observed, annually, as National Grandparents Day.  Our grandparents hold the memories of our heritage, share the wisdom of their life experience, are generous in our time of need, and are often our child care providers.  They're pretty awesome!  There are many ways to connect with our grandparents every day of the year.  Grandparents love to have fun!  Remember them and celebrate grandparents on their special day!  Grandparents are great role models and there for us when we need them. Their wisdom of life's journey and knowledge of the past helps guide us to a brighter future! Let's show our gratitude to them everyday, and especially on this special day! 

Grandparents like to get exercise.  It's fun to join in.

Grandparents like to take selfies too!

Copyright: Happy Grandparent's Day! Sharon Rose, Parents Want to Know 101, September 10, 2017.  All rights reserved.

Getting to Know Tweens

By Sharon Rose

      The word tween has become very popular in recent years. Prior to this, kids in this transitional age group, most often, were called pre-teens, middle-schoolers, or tweenies.  A tween is a child between the ages of 9 and 12 years-old.  A tween is no longer a little child, but not yet a teenager. They are in-between the two age groups.  Parents and others around them recognize in their behavior and emotions that a change is taking place.  But, a tween is also maturing physically, emotionally, and socially and they are learning to take on new responsibilities at school and at home. They are growing into a teenager. The tween years can be a challenging adjustment period for both tweens and parents. 

      Parents should start talking to their child about puberty as early as age 8 years-old.  Build trust and open communication with your child before it is time to have the talk.  Don't wait until the child comes to you with questions, before initiating a talk.  Children may see something on TV, or the internet, despite your close supervision, or hear something from a friend at school that may make them curious.  When everyone around them is noticing their bodily changes, so is the tween. Your child, who will become a tween, will appreciate their parent's guidance and information as to what is happening to their body as they go through puberty. 

      Many parents are uncomfortable, with even the thought of, having the talk with their child.  You may not be sure you have all the facts straight.  It is also understandable that parents are not comfortable talking with their child about, what you view as, grown-up topics.  But, that time will come, and reading a book and sharing it with your tween is an approach that my mother used, and I, subsequently, used with my own children.  It is an approach I recommend.  You read the book first, then share it with your tween.  Read some chapters aloud together, answering questions as you go along. Schedule times to talk about the book and answer questions your tween will have, once you have left them on their own with the book.  Share some age-appropriate experiences that you had growing up.  I.e.: At what age did you start your menstruation?  At what age did you first need to shave?  Let your tween know you are there to answer their questions at any time.  Here are some book titles to get you started:

For Girls - 10 years-old and up:
Girl Stuff: A Survival Guide to Growing-Up
By Margaret Blackstone and Elissa Haden Guest

The What's Happening to My Body Book for Girls
By Lynda Madaras with Area Madaras

For younger girls:
The Period Book: Everything You Don't Want to Ask (But Need to Know)


For Boys - 10 years-old and up:
Boys Guide to Becoming a Teen 
By American Medical Association

What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys
By Lynda Madaras


*Additional Resource: http://kidshealth.org/en/parents/talk-about-puberty.html


Copyright: Getting to Know Tweens, Sharon Rose, Parents Want to Know 101, July 20, 2017.  All rights reserved.

Helicopter Parenting: Be Careful of Crashing

By Sharon Rose

What is your parenting style?  More and more we are hearing terms applied to parenting styles. Trending in the media are stories on "helicopter parenting."  A 'helicopter parent' is a parent who is so involved in their child's experiences and problems, that it limits their child's independent growth and development. 'Helicopter parents,' are overprotective and take an obsessive interest in their child's life. This term first showed up at educational institutions and was used regarding parents of high school and college students. However, more and more it is a term that is applied to parents who 'hover' over their children, of any age, just like a helicopter.  Helicopter parents have to be careful of crashing.

You are viewed as a helicopter parent if you:

1. Always give in - Helicopter parents often harbor a huge amount of mommy-guilt, which often translates into a lack of rules or constantly giving in to child demands. If you're the one to buckle when your kid is begging for bubblegum, you're probably over-protective to the point of shielding your kid from any negative experience ever. Over-protective parents may crash. Bad form!

2. Offer your child the quick fix, instead of asking the right questions - A lot of the time when kids ask for help with their homework, they're really asking for assurance that they're doing the right thing. Instead of giving your child the answer, encourage him to check his work or show him how to look for the right answer in a book or online. This will take a little more time to set up, but you'll be showing your child independent skills in the long term.

3. You have not learned to, "Just say no!" - It may be hard to look your kids in the eye and say 'no,' but refusing to give into their every whim will help them in the long run. Instead of agreeing to give your child treats on a regular basis, try tempering their need for reward by having them work towards a long-term goal, such as a family camping trip or outing with friends.

4. You do not give options - Instead of making decisions for your child, help her assert independence by offering options. If you normally choose your child's outfits, try letting her choose between two different t-shirts. Small choices like this help kids feel confident and also helps them make big decisions long term.

5. You do not let him cry it out - Disappointment and negative emotions are just a part of life, so if your child doesn't get what he wants, don't fret. Especially, remember this with teens. By not giving in to demands on a regular basis, you'll help your child grow up to be less materialistic and more self satisfied.

6.  Over-protective - Parents who are over-protective, to the point of shielding your kids from any negative or hurtful experience, ever, are helicopter parents.  If your child goes out for the baseball team or cheerleading squad, does not make it, and you plead with the coach to "do something," so your child can participate, although you know your child really needs more experience, you may be over-protective.  There are many examples of parents insulating their kids from feeling any of the painful experiences of real-life.  As a result, when the kids grow-up and are living independent from their parents, they may crash.  Over-protective parents and over-protected kids, may crash.  

*You can read more on helicopter parenting at our "resources."  Have a balance in your parenting style and avoid becoming the overprotective parent who 'hovers.' You will help your child grow up to be the healthy, independent adult he needs to be to succeed.

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Resources for more information on helicopter parenting:http://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/what-is-helicopter-parenting/

https://afineparent.com/be-positive/helicopter-parent.html

Copyright: "Helicopter Parenting: Be Careful of Crashing," Sharon Rose, Parents Want To Know 101, June 8, 2017.  All rights reserved. 

Relationship Goals

by Sharon Rose 

     It's Valentine Week!  It's a great time to work on RELATIONSHIP GOALS.  Parents, keep your relationship fresh and alive!  Love is a living and breathing feeling, and should be handled tenderly, and never taken for granted.  To maintain and grow your love in a relationship, each partner must actively express love. Speak up!  Don't be shy!  Take time for romance!  Love is a strong, beautiful, emotional feeling that is alive, grows, and needs care and attention to thrive.  If not, the bond you share will, likely, begin to fade.  The old adage that love is like a garden is true. You must give it care and attention for it to keep its vibrance, and grow.  Create and design your love, just as an architect would design the lines of a beautifully structured building.  For both, their stability, attractiveness, and charm can live forever. 

       You should have thoughtful and realistic expectations of your relationship.  Each partner should benefit, in positive ways, from being in the relationship.  The primary benefit of the relationship is to receive and give love, affection, and to support each other in good times, and through challenges.  As you seek to achieve your goals in the relationship, especially those which benefit the family as a whole, your love relationship should rise to being a partnership for a bright and successful future.  If you want a long-lasting, successful relationship, make a commitment to your partner’s emotional well-being, even when you feel it’s not easy.  This means being affectionate towards your partner through the good and the bad, when it’s most needed, and when it is least expected.  Allowing your garden of love to lay stagnate through the rough patches, that will come, will only cause unwanted weedy feelings to crop up. Embrace these times as the learning experiences of life, that they most often are, and embrace each other with hugs and kisses during these times.  This is what will make your relationship strong, potent, and lasting.

            

     Keep the romance alive in your relationship! Both partners, from time to time, can plan something romantic, if no more than, a candle-lit dinner at home. However, it would be so special to get creative: a trip to the spa for a couple’s massage: a horse drawn carriage ride in the evening; a moonlight picnic on the beach with a favorite wine, and don't forget the blanket; weekend trip to a cabin in the mountains; a dip in a sauna; and enjoy a beautiful sunrise together. I’m sure you can think of more!  A simple hug and kiss at the door to say good-bye for the day, and again, hello, when you return, can be a romantic ritual that each partner can look forward to.  Enjoy each other and cherish the happiness your relationship is meant to bring.  Enjoy being in-love, forever!! 

Copyright, Relationship Goals, Sharon Rose, Parents Want to Know 101, February 15, 2017.  All rights reserved.

How to Communicate with Your Teen

by Sharon Rose

      

       The teen years, more than any other stage of your child's development, is a time when your child needs to hear your voice, trust your relationship, and know that you listen when they have something to say.  It is a time when parents have to delve deeper into topics that may make them feel uncomfortable to talk about with their teen, such as: sex, STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), drugs and alcohol, bullying, teen dating, teen dating violence, and other topics that affect health and safety. There are also life choices to talk about, like college and career.  So, you have to start to build a trusting relationship long before the teen years arrive.  With patience and respect, parents can build good communication with their teen.  Parents can avoid roadblocks that will leave them, "on the outside looking in," to what is their teen's life. 

Parent Tips to Communicate with Teen:

1.   Don't lecture, shout, and scream. Have a conversation.  You want positive results so, create a positive environment.  Show RESPECT to your teen, even when giving discipline.  Remain assertive and firm, even if they DISRESPECT you. Model the appropriate behavior you want to see from them.  The "do as I say," approach won't work.  Situations that involve conflict with your teen will happen. It's up to you to keep things under control, resolve the conflict with assertive talk, and with a plan of action. 

2.   Listen. Show a genuine interest in your teen's opinions and concerns. Giving them your "time" will mean a lot. Quality time is not over-rated.

3.   When addressing rule infractions or other serious concerns "don't attack" or "accuse," but choose this as a time to listen,  and use firmness and natural consequences to give a stern message. 

4.  Take advantage of "down-time," to strike up a conversation with your teen. Meal-time, car rides, camping-out, and when the commercial comes on while watching a TV show together, can be the perfect time to have those short and simple conversations that build trust. 

5.   Remain the parent and the adult, not the friend. You can have an enjoyable, fun relationship with your teen and still remain firm and the disciplinarian, when needed. Communicating with your teen does not mean talking with them like another teen and using slang. Especially, don't say "yes," when you should say, "no."  

6.   Remember to show your teen affection in ways that they are comfortable with. They are no longer babies, but a hug, a smile, a high-five, can go a long way in reminding them how much you love and care for them.  

      

      Your teen is experiencing more and more independence.  Keep the communication going!

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Copyright: Sharon Rose, "How to Communicate with Your Teen," Parents Want to Know 101, February 7, 2017. All rights reserved.