By Sharon Rose
The role of fathers in the modern American family is changing in important and countervailing ways. Fathers who live with their children have become more intensely involved in their lives, spending more time with them and taking part in a greater variety of activities, and their children are benefiting. However, the share of fathers who are residing with their children has fallen significantly in the past half century.
In 1960, only 11% of children in the U.S. lived apart from their fathers. By 2010, that share had risen to 27%. In contrast, the share of minor children living apart from their mothers increased only modestly, from 4% in 1960 to 8% in 2010. According to a new Pew Research Center analysis of the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG), more than one-in-four fathers with children 18 or younger now live apart from their children, with 11% living apart from some of their children and 16% living apart from all of their children.
Despite the dream of the two parent home with a resident father, this is not always the reality in many homes across the United States. Although it is not the reality, we believe the involved father plays a very important role in the family and advocate a "father presence," whether he is living in the home or outside of the home his children are living in. Fathers should be acknowledged and respected, not as “the second adult,” but as a parent whose involvement will greatly benefit the child.
One of the most important benefits of the involved father to the child is the behavior that is modeled when the child can observe a positive relationship between mother and father. Children learn so much more from parents as role models than they do from what the parents are saying on a daily basis. They are truly little “Mini-Me-s." When a boy sees his father showing respect to his mother, he learns from this modeling, how to treat women and a girl is gaining self-esteem and an expectation of how she should be treated by men. This “learning” will carry over into their adolescence and adulthood. They also benefit from observing how mother and father address conflicts within the mother-father relationship. Watching mother and father address conflicts in an adult and appropriate way teaches the same lesson, indirectly. Boys who understand that aggression and violence is not the way to solve conflict with women is less likely to grow up and act in an aggressive manner toward women. Girls who have involved fathers who solve conflict appropriately with their mothers see how they should expect men to treat them if conflicts arise. They are less likely to become involved in violent or unhealthy relationships when they become teenagers and adults. This will not be their comfort zone, nor will they have been given a message, when they were growing up that aggression should be expected. In contrast, research shows that fathers who display contempt, anger, violence, or give “the silent treatment” to the mother of their children are more likely to have children who are anxious, or anti-social. Tony Dungy, former NFL player and coach, talks about the father as a role model in his acclaimed book, “Uncommon.” He speaks to fathers, “Be the role model that God created you to be for others. Be the message the He intended for you to be, to all the world.” Certainly, words for all fathers to take to heart.
Through the many studies done on the role of the father in the family, we have learned that children with involved, affectionate fathers have better educational outcomes. I stress that affection is needed from the father for both sons and daughters. Also, the influence of a father’s involvement on academic achievement extends into adolescence and young adulthood. U.S. Department of Education did a study that found highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43 % more likely than other children to earn A’s, and 33% were less likely to repeat a grade.
Children also benefit emotionally and psychologically from the presence of an involved father. From birth, children of involved fathers are more likely to be emotionally secure, confident to explore their environment, and create more healthy social relationships with peers, as they grow into adolescence and young adulthood. They are also, less likely to get into trouble at home, school, or in the community. Babies who get a lot of affection and playful interaction from their father feel more secure. A father’s playfulness with his children is more stimulating than the playful activity of the mother. Rough housing with Dad can teach children how to react to aggressive impulses and physical contact without losing control of their emotions. Fathers, more so, encourage independence and a lack of fear of the world outside the home. Fathers encourage achievement and competition, while mothers are more likely to stress nurturing, both of which are important. The balance between the two is needed. Yet another study of school-aged children found that children with involved fathers are less likely to experience depression, drug abuse, or display disruptive or delinquent behavior. Fathers hold an important role in benefiting a child’s growth, development, and future that cannot, likely, be filled by anyone else. We are not saying that there are no children without a father present who do not succeed; there are. However, they can give testament to the rough road they and their mothers traveled to get there.
The “resident” father in all homes does not fit the mold of the contemporary family, but the “involved” father can strengthen the modern day family and its future for the children.
Research Sources:
http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2011/06/15/a-tale-of-two-fathers/
www.fatherhood.gov
Yeung, W. J., Duncan, G. J., & Hill, M. S. (2000). Putting fathers back in the picture: Parental activities and children's adult outcomes.
H. E. Peters, G. W. Peterson, S. K. Steinmetz, & R. D. Day (Eds.), Fatherhood: Research, interventions and policies (pp. 97-113). New York, NY: Hayworth Press; Harris, K. M., & Marmer, J. K. (1996).
Dungy, Tony, Uncommon: Finding Your Path to Significance, Tynsdale House Publishers, (Feb., 2009).
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Copyright, Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, Update - The Father’s Role in the Contemporary Family: How Children Benefit From An Involved Father, June 19, 2015. All rights reserved.
