How to Communicate with Your Teen

by Sharon Rose

      

       The teen years, more than any other stage of your child's development, is a time when your child needs to hear your voice, trust your relationship, and know that you listen when they have something to say.  It is a time when parents have to delve deeper into topics that may make them feel uncomfortable to talk about with their teen, such as: sex, STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), drugs and alcohol, bullying, teen dating, teen dating violence, and other topics that affect health and safety. There are also life choices to talk about, like college and career.  So, you have to start to build a trusting relationship long before the teen years arrive.  With patience and respect, parents can build good communication with their teen.  Parents can avoid roadblocks that will leave them, "on the outside looking in," to what is their teen's life. 

Parent Tips to Communicate with Teen:

1.   Don't lecture, shout, and scream. Have a conversation.  You want positive results so, create a positive environment.  Show RESPECT to your teen, even when giving discipline.  Remain assertive and firm, even if they DISRESPECT you. Model the appropriate behavior you want to see from them.  The "do as I say," approach won't work.  Situations that involve conflict with your teen will happen. It's up to you to keep things under control, resolve the conflict with assertive talk, and with a plan of action. 

2.   Listen. Show a genuine interest in your teen's opinions and concerns. Giving them your "time" will mean a lot. Quality time is not over-rated.

3.   When addressing rule infractions or other serious concerns "don't attack" or "accuse," but choose this as a time to listen,  and use firmness and natural consequences to give a stern message. 

4.  Take advantage of "down-time," to strike up a conversation with your teen. Meal-time, car rides, camping-out, and when the commercial comes on while watching a TV show together, can be the perfect time to have those short and simple conversations that build trust. 

5.   Remain the parent and the adult, not the friend. You can have an enjoyable, fun relationship with your teen and still remain firm and the disciplinarian, when needed. Communicating with your teen does not mean talking with them like another teen and using slang. Especially, don't say "yes," when you should say, "no."  

6.   Remember to show your teen affection in ways that they are comfortable with. They are no longer babies, but a hug, a smile, a high-five, can go a long way in reminding them how much you love and care for them.  

      

      Your teen is experiencing more and more independence.  Keep the communication going!

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Copyright: Sharon Rose, "How to Communicate with Your Teen," Parents Want to Know 101, February 7, 2017. All rights reserved. 

Ten Ways to Strenghthen Father - Son Relationships

By Sharon Rose

      It is not always recognized how influential the father and son relationship is when it comes to the positive growth and development of a boy.  A father's influence on a son's personal development may not be seen, but it is real.  We want our fathers to know that their role in the family cannot genuinely be duplicated.  An example of unseen influence that fathers have is the close attention a boy pays to the way in which his father interacts with his mother.  A boy learns about respect and disrespect in relationships from the model the mother and father present.  Boys learn how men and women interact, and how men should deal with conflict and differences by observing the interaction of their mother and father.  When there is no parental model, boys may look to other models that are sometimes negative.  It may prove difficult for a boy to make the best life choices without his father in his life. It is important for a father to be present in their son's life, whether they live in the home or outside of the home.  Boys need their father's presence to feel protected, as they grow up, and as a positive role model.  Here are 10 tips to help strengthen the father - son relationship. 


10 Tips to Strengthen the Father - Son Relationship:



1. Recognize that sons are influenced by their fathers. We don't see it happening, we can't touch it, but this influence is real.  Our sons learn about being a man primarily by watching their fathers.

2. Do activities together that you both have an interest in. The more time you spend together the more your bond will grow.  Talk about this and decide on a few activities that you both enjoy.  This may lead to camping, fishing trips, and rock climbing, which are favorites to many fathers and sons as a one-on-one activity.

3. Rough-housing between father and son is a, one-of-a-kind, bonding experience.  Boys love to wrestle with their fathers. This rough-housing, done in a safe environment, prepares boys for the rough activities boys tend to participate in such as, football and hockey, etc.

4. Get involved in traditional father-son activities. Coach your son's little league baseball team or volunteer as scoutmaster for your son's Boy Scout troupe.  There are so many father-son bonding experiences that are character building, as well as fun. 

5. Take on a big project. Do a hands on project that will be visible in your lives, to show-off a bit, for years to come. Try these ideas: build model cars or airplanes; a bookcase or chair; restore an old car; or build a porch deck or patio for the whole family to enjoy. 

6. Listen to your son. Build effective communication between the two of you by listening when your son needs that special person to talk to.  Listen for questions your son my have, and there will be many.  Give age appropriate answers. 

7. Don't be afraid of the big talk.  The day will come when you will need to teach your son about relationships and sex.  You may not be comfortable with talking to your son about sex, but you don't want your son to get false information from peers.  If needed, look for good reading resources for father and son.  You want to instill your values in your son that he can carry with him throughout life. 

8. Focus on the positive.  Look for opportunities to praise your son for doing something right. Don't overdo it, but your words can help build a positive self-esteem.  Be there to guide him through everyday experiences, like: positive TV shows, movies, media games, help with homework, and in this day and time, social media experiences. Encourage your son to value the positive over the negative. 

9. Make one on one time.  Get out on the basketball court and shoot hoops together. Teach him about other sports the two of you can share, like golf, tennis, fishing, or bowling.  Become sponsor of a school extra-curricular activity that your son is involved in.  Do yard work together, using this as a teaching, learning, and bonding experience.

10. Focus on the spiritual. It's an important role for a father to help a son understand faith in something higher than oneself as a way of understanding the deeper meaning of life. 



Father and son, together!

Reading Resources for help with difficult father - son relationships: http://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/dads/connection-between-father-and-son/





Copyright, Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, Ten Ways to Strengthen Father - Son Relationships, November 18, 2015.  All rights reserved.

Common Core Math Not Popular with Parents

By Sharon Rose 

 

      As schools around the United States are implementing state and national Common Core Math learning and performance standards, parent complaints grow louder. Many feel their children have been set up to fail by the introduction of a complicated math process.  The simplest forms of math, addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division have been turned into a nightmare for some parents.  An emphasis is placed on working with a partner or a group to arrive at math answers. Children who fail the Common Core Performance tests are at risk of repeating a grade and/or being placed in special programs. 

      Some parents have expressed that math, such as adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing has been made, unnecessarily, complicated.  Parents are being introduced to unfamiliar math terms, such as, "array," "regrouping," and "area model."  Common Core Math is new and parents, unfamiliar with it, are left at a lost to help with homework of grades as early as first, second, third grade. They have been given no training, by school systems, for this new math and have been left on their own to figure it out. Stacey Jacobson-Francis, 41, of Berkeley, California, interviewed by NBC Washington News affiliate, said her first grade daughter's homework requires her to know four different ways to add. "That is way too much to ask of a first grader,'' she said. "She can't remember them all, and I don't know them all, so we just do the best that we can.''

       What are Common Core Standards?  Common Core is a set of math and English standards that spell out what students should know and when. *(Although we don't often hear complaints about it, Common Core Standards also includes Language Arts/Reading.) The standards for elementary math emphasizes that kids should not only be able to solve math problems using the traditional methods, taught when their parents were in school, but understand how numbers relate to each other.  Common Core has been adopted by 44 states, including Maryland and Washington, D.C.  

      As a critic of Common Core Math, who would like to see it go away, I have observed that it fails to emphasize basic computation skills, leaving students unprepared for higher math. I say, traditional math still has an important role in building that strong foundation in math that children need. Educating our children should be about positive learning experiences that give them confidence and the tools to be independent and succeed in life, not throw curve balls to strike them out. 

*More resources on Common Core Standards:

*The History of the Common Core Standards: http://www.usnews.com/news/special-reports/articles/2014/02/27/the-history-of-common-core-state-standards

*Sources: http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/22What-Parents-Rail-Against-Common-Core-Math-259363861.html

www.forbes.com/sites/alicegwalton/2014/10/23/the-science-of-the-common-core-experts-weigh-in-on-its-developmental-appropriateness/

Copyright: Common Core Math Not Popular with Parents, Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, September 26, 2015. All rights reserved. 

The Father's Role In the Contemporary Family: How Children Benefit From An Involved Father

 

By Sharon Rose

 

     The role of fathers in the modern American family is changing in important and countervailing ways. Fathers who live with their children have become more intensely involved in their lives, spending more time with them and taking part in a greater variety of activities, and their children are benefiting. However, the share of fathers who are residing with their children has fallen significantly in the past half century.

      In 1960, only 11% of children in the U.S. lived apart from their fathers. By 2010, that share had risen to 27%. In contrast, the share of minor children living apart from their mothers increased only modestly, from 4% in 1960 to 8% in 2010. According to a new Pew Research Center analysis of the National Survey of Family Growth (NSFG), more than one-in-four fathers with children 18 or younger now live apart from their children, with 11% living apart from some of their children and 16% living apart from all of their children.

     Despite the dream of the two parent home with a resident father, this is not always the reality in many homes across the United States. Although it is not the reality, we believe the involved father plays a very important role in the family and advocate a "father presence," whether he is living in the home or outside of the home his children are living in. Fathers should be acknowledged and respected, not as “the second adult,” but as a parent whose involvement will greatly benefit the child. 

 

 

     One of the most important benefits of the involved father to the child is the behavior that is modeled when the child can observe a positive relationship between mother and father. Children learn so much more from parents as role models than they do from what the parents are saying on a daily basis. They are truly little “Mini-Me-s."  When a boy sees his father showing respect to his mother, he learns from this modeling, how to treat women and a girl is gaining self-esteem and an expectation of how she should be treated by men. This “learning” will carry over into their adolescence and adulthood. They also benefit from observing how mother and father address conflicts within the mother-father relationship. Watching mother and father address conflicts in an adult and appropriate way teaches the same lesson, indirectly. Boys who understand that aggression and violence is not the way to solve conflict with women is less likely to grow up and act in an aggressive manner toward women. Girls who have involved fathers who solve conflict appropriately with their mothers see how they should expect men to treat them if conflicts arise. They are less likely to become involved in violent or unhealthy relationships when they become teenagers and adults. This will not be their comfort zone, nor will they have been given a message, when they were growing up that aggression should be expected. In contrast, research shows that fathers who display contempt, anger, violence, or give “the silent treatment” to the mother of their children are more likely to have children who are anxious, or anti-social. Tony Dungy, former NFL player and coach, talks about the father as a role model in his acclaimed book, “Uncommon.” He speaks to fathers, “Be the role model that God created you to be for others. Be the message the He intended for you to be, to all the world.” Certainly, words for all fathers to take to heart.

 

 

 

 

       Through the many studies done on the role of the father in the family, we have learned that children with involved, affectionate fathers have better educational outcomes. I stress that affection is needed from the father for both sons and daughters. Also, the influence of a father’s involvement on academic achievement extends into adolescence and young adulthood. U.S. Department of Education did a study that found highly involved biological fathers had children who were 43 % more likely than other children to earn A’s, and 33% were less likely to repeat a grade. 

      Children also benefit emotionally and psychologically from the presence of an involved father. From birth, children of involved fathers are more likely to be emotionally secure, confident to explore their environment, and create more healthy social relationships with peers, as they grow into adolescence and young adulthood. They are also, less likely to get into trouble at home, school, or in the community. Babies who get a lot of affection and playful interaction from their father feel more secure. A father’s playfulness with his children is more stimulating than the playful activity of the mother. Rough housing with Dad can teach children how to react to aggressive impulses and physical contact without losing control of their emotions. Fathers, more so, encourage independence and a lack of fear of the world outside the home. Fathers encourage achievement and competition, while mothers are more likely to stress nurturing, both of which are important. The balance between the two is needed. Yet another study of school-aged children found that children with involved fathers are less likely to experience depression, drug abuse, or display disruptive or delinquent behavior. Fathers hold an important role in benefiting a child’s growth, development, and future that cannot, likely, be filled by anyone else. We are not saying that there are no children without a father present who do not succeed; there are. However, they can give testament to the rough road they and their mothers traveled to get there. 

 

 

 

 

 

      The “resident” father in all homes does not fit the mold of the contemporary family, but the “involved” father can strengthen the modern day family and its future for the children. 

 

 

Research Sources:
http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2011/06/15/a-tale-of-two-fathers/
www.fatherhood.gov
Yeung, W. J., Duncan, G. J., & Hill, M. S. (2000). Putting fathers back in the picture: Parental activities and children's adult outcomes.
H. E. Peters, G. W. Peterson, S. K. Steinmetz, & R. D. Day (Eds.), Fatherhood: Research, interventions and policies (pp. 97-113). New York, NY: Hayworth Press; Harris, K. M., & Marmer, J. K. (1996).
Dungy, Tony, Uncommon: Finding Your Path to Significance, Tynsdale House Publishers, (Feb., 2009).

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Copyright, Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, Update - The Father’s Role in the Contemporary Family: How Children Benefit From An Involved Father, June 19, 2015. All rights reserved.

OUR BIG LIST, from Parents Want to Know 101, for KIDS FREE or CHEAP MEALS

By Sharon Rose

School is out, hot weather comes with summer, and we all want to get out of the house to eat.  Hope our BIG LIST of KIDS EAT FREE or CHEAP helps to get our families started and save the budget.

Most FREE kids meals are to be ordered from the kids’ menu.  Promotions may vary so, please, call ahead of visiting your restaurant of choice.  Bon Appétit!  

1.   Applebees  -  Kids eat FREE on Mondays.  One FREE kid’s meal for each adult entrée.  Additional kids are $1.00.

2.   iHop  -  Kids, 12 & under, eat FREE, 4:00 P.M. – 8:00 P.M. every day.  One kid’s meal per one adult entrée purchase.
3.   CiCi’s Pizza  -  Kids 3 & under eat FREE from the buffet every day.  Some locations have certain days for older kids to eat FREE.

4.    O’Charley’s  -  Kids eat FREE Monday – Friday at select locations.  Call for information.

5.     Golden Corral  -  Kids 10 & under eat FREE from  5:00 P.M. – 9:00 P.M. on Mondays.  Limited to 2 kids per adult buffet purchase.  Kids 3 & under eat FREE every day.

6.     Chic-Fil-A  -  Kids eat FREE on Tuesdays for Family Fun Night from 5:30 P.M. – 7:30 P.M.  Limit of one FREE kid per adult combo purchase.

7.     Fuddrucker’s  -  Kids 12 & under eat for $.99 from 4:00 P.M. on Monday (and Tuesday).  A drink is included.  Not all locations may offer this promotion, so call ahead.

8.    Moe’s Southwest Grill  -  Kids eat FREE on Mondays with adult entrée purchase.

9.    McDonald’s  -  FREE Happy Meal on Kid’s birthday ( Please inquire, as offer only good in certain states.)  Promotional FREE coupons can be found in local newspapers and at websites, such as: www.moneysavingmom.com  and  www.couponcraving.com. 

10.   Captain D’s  -  Kids FREE on Tuesday and Thursday.  Limited to 2 FREE kid’s meals for each adult entrée ordered. 

11.   Marie Callender’s  -  Kids eat FREE on Tuesdays and Saturdays.  Limited to one FREE kid’s meal to each adult entrée purchased.        

12.   Backyard Burger  -  Kids eat FREE on Tuesdays (and Thursday) from 4:00 P.M. – until closing.  One FREE kid’s meal for each adult combo purchased. 

13.   Pizza Hut  -  Kids, 3 and under, eat FREE every day at lunch buffet.  At some locations, 3 & under, eat FREE at dinner buffet, as well.

14.   Piccadilly  -  Kids, 6 & under, eat FREE on Monday – Saturday.

15.   Rainforest Café  -  Kids eat for $1.99 on Wednesday evenings.  Call for time.     

16.   Planet SUB  -  Kids FREE on Tuesday and Sunday.  One kid FREE for each adult entrée purchased.  (MO, KS, IA, OK, NE)

17.   Millie’s  Restaurant and Bakery  -  Kids eat for $.99, each week day, with the purchase of adult entrée.  Call for details.  (CA)   

18.   Chartroose Caboose  -  Kids, 10 & under, eat FREE on Monday evenings from 5 P.M. to closing, and all day on Sunday.  (KS)

19.   Cody’s Original Roadhouse  -  Kids, 10 & under, eat FREE on Mondays and Tuesdays.   Limited to 2 kids per each adult entrée purchase.  (FL, ME, NC) 

20.   Flying Biscuit Café  -  Kids, 12 & under, eat FREE Monday  - Thursday from 4:00 P.M. – 7:00 P.M. with  purchase of an adult entrée of $6.95 or more.  (Candler Park and Midtown Atlanta, GA)   www.flyingbiscuit.com

21.   Hudson Grille  -  Kids, 12 & under, eat FREE all hours, every day of the week, with adult entrée purchase.  (Alpharetta, GA)   www.hudsongrille.com 

22.   Mariachi Grill  -  One kids meal, for 12 and under, FREE from 5 P.M. - 9:30 P.M., on Thursdays, with each purchase of one adult combo.  612 Montgomery Hwy., Birmingham, AL; (205)823-2399.

23.   Steak 'n' Shake  -  One kids meal FREE, Saturday and Sunday,with each $8.00 order.  Call  for more details.

24.   Frasca Pizzeria  -  Two kids FREE, everyday after 4:30 P.M., with each adult meal purchased.  Call for more details.  3358 Paulina St., Chicago, IL 60657; (773)248-5222.  

25.   Sweet Bones  -  One Kid per adult with mention of  "Kids Eat For," at $2.99, Monday through Saturday.  Call (205)970-3022 for seating.

26.  Austin Grill -  Kids eat FREE on Tuesdays at Austin Grill.  Dine-in only with purchase of adult entree. Only valid at participating locations.  
27.  Lonestar Steakhouse - Kids, 12 and under, can eat FREE all day on Tuesdays.  Limited to 2 children per adult entree purchased.  Dine-in only. 
28.  Islands' Restaurant - Kids eat FREE on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (AZ, CA, CO, HI, NV). 

 29.  Firehouse Subs - Kids, 12 and unique, eat FREE from 4:00 P.M. to 9:00 P.M., on Wednesdays and Sundays.  Kids get FREE Fireman hat.

30.  Tony Roma's - Kids, 12 and under, can eat FREE on Tuesdays. 
 

 

Copyright, May 26, 2015, Update - Our Big List of Kids Eat Free or Cheap, Parents Want to Know 101.  All rights reserved.

 

12 Most Likely Reasons Baby Is Crying

by Sharon Rose  

Let's talk about why babies cry. Babies do not  cry because they are spoiled. Babies cry because they don't have language yet.  Parents can work their way through our checklist of 12 most likely reasons why Baby is crying. Getting to know your Baby is important because he, likely, has a different sound for each reason he may be crying. *See our "source" for more details.  

12 Most Likely Reasons Babies Cry: 

1. Hunger

2. A soiled diaper

3. In need of sleep

4. Wants to be held

5. Tummy troubles (gas, colic, and more)

6. Needs to burp

7. Too cold or too hot

8. Something small

9. Teething

10. Wants less stimulation

11. Wants more stimulation

12. Not feeling well

If your baby is still crying after you have gone through the checklist, check for too tight clothing discomfort, or possible constipation. Use your judgment to consider if it is now time to let the pediatrician weigh in. 

Source:http://www.babycenter.com/0_12-reasons-babies-cry-and-how-to-soothe-them_9790.bc#articlesection1

Copyright, Parents Want to Know 101, Sharon Rose, 12 Most Likely Reasons Baby Is Crying, October, 2014. All rights reserved.